How anger shows up
- Hot body cues: tight chest, clenched jaw, urge to “lash out”
- All-or-nothing thoughts or replaying the moment
- Silent withdrawal or stonewalling
- Resentment from unspoken needs/boundaries
In-the-moment tools
Physiological reset
Two slow breaths, long exhales; relax your jaw and hands.
Name it, don’t flame it
Quietly label: “I’m feeling angry.” Naming reduces intensity.
Call a timeout
“I want to talk well - can we pause 20 minutes and come back?”
Write before you reply
Draft your response; send it only after you re-read calmly.
Turning anger into clarity
Ask: What value was crossed? What need wasn’t met? Turn that into a request: “When X happens, I feel Y. Could we try Z instead?”